Starbucks, Buy Buy Baby, Midnight Release Party for GTA, and How Much I Hate Pumping

Bozo HairThis morning, Clark woke up at 11:50AM. And so did I. Thus, my glorious day of shopping, coffee drinking, and indulging my 35-year-old husband’s video game lust. After braving the world of Buy Buy Baby and saving over $50 on formula, Brian asked to go to GameStop. Naturally, I rolled my eyes. But, he’s really the best husband ever. So I said ok.

“Ok” turned into me saying yes to taking our 6.5 week old out at midnight so that Brian can pick up the newest Grand Theft Auto. (Word to the wise: if this isn’t how you picture your life, don’t marry a handsome man. He will talk you into this bologna every time.) I’m pretty sure he started buttering me up for this event by cleaning the entire kitchen and encouraging me to take an extra long shower this morning. Also, reminding me that a midnight drive with Clark would ensure a promptly sleeping baby didn’t hurt, either. And, we’re always awake late anyway.

 So, here I am. Waiting in the parking lot for Brian to pay for this game. Then we’ll go to Starbucks, so I can have my 8th cup of coffee today. Did I mention I love coffee?

Did I also mention how much I hate pumping? Choosing a formula to supplement your baby with is definitely difficult. After pumping around the clock for the past 5 weeks, I got a little lazy this week and have suffered from low supply. So, I face a dilemma: do I go back to the power pumping routine, or do I just get extra formula? I know breast is best. So, please, spare me. I’m just suffering from exhaustion, and I want to get all my options. Is organic formula best? Should I feed my sometimes-fussy-after-feeding baby sensitive formula? Is Similac better than Enfamil? Should I make my own formula, or is that something only crazy people do?

Silence and 5 Things I Wish I Knew During Pregnancy

Breakfast courtesy of my fabulous MIL

Breakfast courtesy of my fabulous MIL

Yes, you read that right: silence. Silence with a 6 week old. Does such a luxury exist? And accompanied by caffeine and chocolate? What a perfect, blissful morning.

Clark is currently snuggling with Brian while I happily navigate the internet and, then, I remember: I SHOULD BE CLEANING. Story of my life.

Yesterday, while Brian was in Manhattan, I went to visit my mother-in-law. It’s nice to have family live nearby when you want to eat. Or sleep. Or finish a cup of tea. Or take a walk. Or be a human. So, that’s what I did.

Without further ado, here are 5 things I wish I knew before I had the baby:

1. It does not matter how much you slept during your pregnancy. Tell those self-righteous bitches to go suck it. Seriously. I slept an average of at least 12 hours a day + naps during the last 3 months of my pregnancy. And, you know what? That time was WASTED. I wish I would have taken advantage of the baby-free time by going out and about, making dinner, going for walks, taking a vacation, or, basically, anything BUT sleeping. Worst advice ever.

2. If you get an epidural, there’s nothing to be scared of, and you’re not “cheating”. Trust me. The epidural is probably the best medical magic to exist on the market. If druggies got a taste of what an epidural can do, they would be all over that needle. For women who think they’re going to be missing out on the miracle of childbirth, I say this: you will have plenty of pain to endure after the epidural wears off.

3. You will never actually drink that glass of wine you craved all pregnancy. Yeah, that’s right. My entire pregnancy, I craved a glass of Moscato. I have since had the baby, and I have had ZERO glasses of white wine. ZERO glasses of any wine. ZERO glasses of alcohol. But, I have felt drunk. Thanks, sleep deprivation (see #1 if you’re thinking sleeping will help! It will not!)

4. You will not be able to keep up with the Kardashians. This one truly breaks my heart. Keeping Up With the Kardashians is my absolute guilty pleasure. I love, love, love seeing what the girls wear, and Scott Disick is probably my favorite person on television (or possibly ever). However, since Clark made his appearance, I have not been able to enjoy a solid hour of television. This is probably better for me.

5. The baby weight will melt off, but you will not look 19 years old again. If you have some fantasy about the baby weight melting off, and you’ll look like you’re in the best shape of your life, I have three words for you: You are CRAZY. Yes, the baby weight, in my case, has come right off. I only have 7 pounds to go. Where are those 7 pounds? Apparently, they’re in my ass and my thighs. Um, excuse me?!

It’s Been 6 Weeks Already? Hallelujah.

Clark, 6 weeks old, visiting his great-grandparents

Clark, 6 weeks old, visiting his great-grandparents

Weighing in at nearly 16 pounds, the scale makes it easier to believe how quickly Clark is growing. At 6 weeks old, he is a pretty large baby. He’s almost doubled his birth weight in less than two months. And, while my muscles ache from carrying this lug, I feel great.

And I felt even better after my 6 week follow up appointment.

“No evidence,” said my doctor. “You can’t tell that you’ve ever had a baby.”

WOO HOO. Also, I only have 7 pounds left to reach my pre-pregnancy weight. Of course, I want to get in even better shape. But, I’m pretty happy with the fact that I’ve lost most of the baby weight. To be fair, I only gained a little over 30 pounds by the end of my pregnancy. Most of it was, indeed, my 8lb 6oz chunker.

For me, the most exciting thing about my 6 week follow up was that it finally feels like my pregnancy is over.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my OB. She’s fantastic. But, I am sick of going to her office every couple weeks. I am over getting pricked with needles. I am over peeing in a cup. I am so over it. And, finally, I’m done!

Until the next baby. Next year. If I feel like it.

Things I Look Forward to Doing While Clark is Sleeping

My KitchenAid!

My KitchenAid!

Since Clark has been born, I used my KitchenAid once. I made meatballs. While delicious, that adventure in cooking did not satiate my desire to bake. I don’t like cupcakes, at all. I don’t like cake either. In fact, I don’t really like dessert. It’s not my thing. But I really enjoy making cupcakes. And I think I enjoy it because I’m really good at making baked goods look, well, delicious.

One of these days, I will have both the ambition and the time to dedicate an entire afternoon (or evening. Or, hell, early morning. I’m not picky) to baking.

Here are a couple things I want to make again:

Chocolate Salted Caramel Cupcakes. I got the recipe from Brown Eyed Baker. You can find it here. Coming from someone who doesn’t have a sweet tooth, these cupcakes were fantastic.

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins. My love for all things pumpkin does not stop at the breakfast table. No. Pumpkin cream cheese muffins are a seasonal MUST. I’m currently recovering from the heart attack I suffered last week, after discovering that the supermarket is COMPLETELY OUT of pumpkin spice coffee. Such a disappointment. The worst part about my desire to make pumpkin cream cheese muffins is knowing that I have everything necessary to make these treasures – except time.

In true mom-fashion, I can’t even finish this post (or my coffee) properly because Clark is currently staring at me like I’m an asshole. Okay, I’m probably inferring that emotional outburst. But he is staring at me. But he seems content. So, I face the hourly dilemma, do I pick him up? Or do I leave him be?

My funny baby in his Carter's Fox PJs

My funny baby in his Carter’s Fox PJs

I’m going to let him chill. For the moment.

Okay, I lied, he’s too cute to leave hanging. 🙂

Chocolate Salted Caramel Cupcakes. I miss baking!

Chocolate Salted Caramel Cupcakes. I miss baking!

The Little Things…Like Feeding Yourself

One pumped bottle, one happy baby

One pumped bottle, one happy baby

While I’m sure there’s nothing extraordinary about my lack of free time as a new mom, it certainly is unfamiliar to me. When I was a student, and when I held a professional job, I always found a way to make my morning coffee and leisurely breakfast into my routine. Now that I have tiny human in my life, it seems like there’s never time for basic things, like breakfast.

In the past 24 hours, I have enjoyed only half a cup of coffee, and I can’t remember the last time I showered (actually, it was Sunday. I think.). Up until this week, I had been relatively good at juggling showers, meals, and down time for myself during Clark’s 3-4 hour naps. But, that all changed when Clark figured out that he, indeed, could interact with the world.

For the first few days, it was really exciting and adorable that Clark would stay awake during the daylight hours. I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time just watching his big, unknown-color eyes inspect our apartment. He looks at everything. Always. Constantly.

It was also particularly satisfying to see him start smiling socially. And, by socially, I mean any time he sees my face, hears my voice, or sees his daddy, Brian. If either of us are around, his little face lights up, and he starts cooing.

He really is adorable. And he’s a great baby. He never cries. So where does all the time go?

Well, the second Clark sits in his swing or lounger, I also sit down. Like the time spent lost in his cherub cheeks, so disappears the hours that could have been spent cleaning, eating, showering or napping. All because I sat down.

Once I sit down, I feel immobilized. Insomniac. Inhuman. Before I know it, a little grunt and the slight twitch of a lip disturb my stare down with the wall (which, for the record, I was totally winning).

And repeat.

I’m constantly exhausted. But it’s worth every aching moment for the little things, like a subtle cuddle or a playful bath. And, while you sit there amazed by the little things, you learn to appreciate the small things – like half a cup of coffee, a four-minute shower, and two bites of a breakfast sandwich.

My happy little boy :)

My happy little boy 🙂

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